Marc and Fred went to war when they were refused a double bed at a remote Christian guest house. They won in court and now they're back to claim their conjugal rights. Triumph turns to terror when another guest arrives, who they think might have something sinister in mind. Their weekend of fun turns into a bloody battle for survival in this smart, brutally funny and dark thriller.

Centuries ago, Baron Wolfgang MacLaren vanquished the Vampire Queen Carmilla in the remote Cragwich; however, before decapitating the evil vampire, she curses the locals and descendants of the baron, swearing that every woman would turn into a lesbian vampire on the eighteenth birthday. On the present days, the clumsy and naive cuckold Jimmy is dumped again by his girlfriend Judy and misses her. His best friend Fletch is fired in his job of clown after hitting an annoying boy. The two friends are broken and decide to camp in the countryside to forget their problems, and Jimmy throws a dart in a map in a pub to decide where they should go. They head to Cragwich and when they arrive in the bar Baron's Rest, they see four hot girls leaving the place in a Kombi. The innkeeper offers the old Mircalla cottage in the woods for them, the same place the girls will lodge. Meanwhile, Lotte, Heide...

The three best of the disbanded Musketeers - Athos, Porthos, and Aramis - join a young hotheaded would-be-Musketeer, D'Artagnan, to stop the Cardinal Richelieu's evil plot: to form an alliance with enemy England by way of the mysterious Milady. Rochefort, the Cardinal's right-hand man, announces the official disbanding of the King's Musketeers. Three, however, refuse to throw down their swords - Athos the fighter and drinker, Porthos the pirate and lover, and Aramis the priest and poet. Arriving in Paris to join the Musketeers, D'Artagnan uncovers the Cardinal's plans, and the four set out on a mission to protect King and Country.